A grandfather is talking with his grandson and he says there are two wolves inside of us which are always at war with each other.
One of them is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred and fear.
The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?”
The grandfather quietly replies, “The one you feed.”
(From here.)
I love and share this parable because it so beautifully shares a lesson I know, but have to work hard to live: what we focus on matters.
And what we focus on is a choice.
Although stories like this are inspiring, this one actually has science to back it up. The thoughts we have, our decisions, our habits, all come back to one process: neural pathways in our brain.
When we entertain a thought, make a decision, reinforce a habit or behaviour, we strengthen that pathway. We feed that wolf. Most of the time, we do so with tiny morsels.
Every time I see a cup on the counter and don’t put it in the dishwasher? Procrastination pathway.
Every time I know I have had enough coffee, yet still pour another cup (because coffee)? Caffeine addiction pathway.
Every time I think “I should really meditate,” and don’t? Procrastination pathway—again.
Every time someone elbows me on the bus and I assume they’re just a jerk who doesn’t care about my personal space? Assuming the worst pathway.
Every time I see a cup on the counter and put it in the dishwasher? Tidy pathway.
Every time I know I’ve had enough coffee and switch to water instead? Healthy pathway.
Every time I think “I should really meditate,” and sit my butt down and open Headspace? Self-care pathway.
Every time someone elbows me on the bus and I assume they might not know they’re doing so and ask them to move up? Assuming the best pathway.
Of course, some of the wolf-feeding moments we encounter are more high-stakes than this. Much more. But I use these examples because it’s the micro-wolves we encounter most often.
I’ve found the more I feed the good wolf for micro-decisions, like not procrastinating about putting a cup in the dishwasher, the stronger that good wolf gets in other areas of my life.
Someone has done something that’s left me feeling pissed off and hurt. Am I going to blame them for my feelings and stew? Or take ownership of myself and do something constructive in response?
I’ve had a setback at work—a rejection. Am I going to get angry at the other person, while lamenting how unfair life is? Or, am I going to take what lessons I can from this experience and keep trying with other opportunities like this?
I’m unhappy with my weight and fitness. Am I going to sit here feeling crappy about myself and letting my inner critic run all over this? Or, am I going to decide to take care of myself and do what I can when I can to feel healthier (not because I think I should, but because I want to)?
It’s situations—and decisions—like these that end up defining our lives.
So: which wolf will you feed?
Further reading: Evolution, Growth, and Finding Your Golden Buddha & Rewriting Our Stories with Sas Petherick
Photo by Tom Pottiger on Unsplash
