“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” – Judy Garland
All credit for this idea goes to Tara Mohr, who wrote about it on her blog a few months ago. If you’re not familiar with Tara’s work, she writes about Wise Living for women, offers coaching and courses, and creates beautiful poetry – if that sounds good, check her out.
We’re all familiar with to-do lists. They can be really useful – I don’t know what I’d do without mine – but sometimes they can also backfire, and become a burden, constantly reminding us of how far behind we feel. In these situations, the to-do list can feed our inner critic and becomes a source of self-criticism rather than a help.
I’ve already written about the “have-done” list, which entails making a list of things you’ve achieved in a day, rather than a list of things you have left to do. Writing about tasks can be helpful, but when we’re in our twilight years and look back at our lives, tasks aren’t going to be what counts: it’s not what we do, but who we are that makes a difference.
So instead of (or as well as) writing a “to-do” list for the next day, how about writing a “to-be” list? The “to-be” list contains all the qualities you want to embody for the next day. You can create it before you go to bed, or first thing in the morning. It’s a way to connect with yourself, and be conscious of the kind of person you want to be over the next 24 hours, rather than cruising on auto-pilot.
It’s easy to get caught up in tasks and stuff, and prioritise those things over our relationship with ourselves and others. The “to-be” list gets our priorities straight, and helps us focus on what really matters: who we are.
You can also try taking the concept of your ‘have done’ list, and create a ‘have been’ list, capturing all the qualities you feel you’ve demonstrated over the past day. If you’re not super happy with everything on the list, that’s OK. It’s not about criticising yourself or being judgemental, it’s about seeing things as they really are, noticing what you experience, and being conscious.
What’s on your to-be list?
