When we think about our motivation for doing something, there are four key elements it’s worth exploring:
- Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation: Am I doing this because I genuinely want to or because other people think I should? Is this goal coming from a place of pursuing personal fulfilment, or am I chasing some kind of external reward or validation? (Note: your motivations can be a mix of both, but for longevity you probably want them to be weighted towards intrinsic)
- Avoiding pain versus seeking growth: Am I motivated by wanting to move away from something or by wanting to move towards something else?
This post is about the latter. It’s a small distinction, and not one we often pay much attention to, but it matters. It especially matters if you’ve experienced longer-term challenges and painful situations in life. The process of making decisions based on avoiding pain can become like a habit. If you’re living in a house that keeps spontaneously catching fire, your primary focus is going to be catching and putting out fires. Replacing the carpet, adding quirky knick-knacks, and creating a make-shift yoga corner by the window… none of that matters if it could all be burned to a crisp at any minute. Even when the fires have stopped, sometimes we continue behaving like they could begin again at any moment, or putting out fires feels so familiar that we unconsciously re-create them.
Acting primarily to avoid pain creates two issues:
1. We’re so focused on what we’re moving away from that we don’t pay much attention to what we’re moving towards. Or we give the thing we’re moving towards saviour status and view it through rose-tinted glasses rather than seeing it for what it actually is (something which sets us up for disappointment and repeating this pattern further down the road).
2. Once the source of pain has been rectified, we stop there. We get rid of the negative, but don’t wait to see what could happen if we try to multiply the positive.
Let’s use exercise as an example. If you only start exercising when you notice your clothes are feeling tighter than they used to (pain), you’re more likely to stop when you reach the point where they feel loose and more comfortable again (pain avoided). If, however, you pursue exercise because you feel better when you do and you still want to be able to get out and go hiking when you’re 75 (growth), you’re much more likely to continue and enjoy it more in the process.
This mindset applies to pretty much every area of our lives: health, work, relationships, money, daily routines, and more. In the context of our creative practice, it might look like consistency with marketing (not just marketing when we “need” to). It might look like improving our craft because we want to be the best [insert craft here] we can be, not because we’re worried we’re falling behind everyone else. It’s the difference between leaving your job to pursue your art full time because you hate your job, and leaving your job to pursue your art full time because you love your art (both can be true, but which one is the main motivator makes all the difference).
So I invite you to ask this question next time you make a decision in life, work, or otherwise: am I avoiding pain or seeking growth? Notice what comes up, how it feels, and what kind of future it creates. This question has been super helpful for me, and I hope it’s useful for you too.
