This post is adapted from my upcoming book “How to Be Kind to Yourself: A Guide to Navigating Life’s Daily Challenges with Self-Compassion, Self-Acceptance, and Ease.” I’ll be sharing more details, including the release date, soon, so jump on my mailing list to be the first to hear more about it (you’ll also get free access to all the worksheets, ebooks, video classes and more in the Becoming Who You Are Library).
The “When Life Works” List is a list of the activities and practices that leave you feeling like the best version of yourself. In other words, when you do these things, life works! Some people call these non-negotiables or fundamentals, but essentially they are the things that, when you do them regularly, leave you feeling good, physically and emotionally.
They might include things like:
- Getting enough sleep
- Drinking enough water
- Exercising
- Connecting with nature/spending time outside
- Meditation
- Journaling
- Reading
- Enjoying a cup of coffee with your thoughts before anyone else wakes up
- Dancing
How to Make Your “When Life Works” List
You can use the following questions as a jumping off point for making your own “When Life Works” list:
- Think of a situation or event in your life when it felt like time sped up. What were you doing? Who were you with? What do you think made the time go so quickly?
- Think of a time in your life when you felt completely and totally grounded and in the present moment. What were you doing? Who were you with? What do you think left you feeling so grounded?
- Think back to a time when you felt connected to and accepting of yourself. What were you doing? Who were you with? What do you think it was that left you feeling so connected and accepting?
- Now think back to a situation where you felt totally energised, excited and ready for anything. What were you doing? Who were you with? What do you think it was that left you feeling so energised and ready for anything?
Once you’ve identified what these activities are, make time to do these things first each day, even if you only have a few minutes. Your When Life Works list is the foundation of your self-care and self-connection, and it doesn’t have to take up hours of your time.
Note: the specific activities you include on the list aren’t as important as how they make you feel. This exercise is not a prescriptive “you have to do these things for at least 20 minutes every day” kind of situation. You get to decide what your list looks like and how much time you devote to the things on it depending on what works best for you. That might change month to month, week to week, even day to day. I don’t do everything on my list every single day, nor is that what I aim for. Instead, it’s helpful to simply have a list of things I know from experience are helpful. If you own a car, you need to fill it with petrol (or charge it), check the oil, top up the wiper fluid, and take it in for a service every so often. This is the list you can use to keep you running smoothly.
Also noteworthy is the fact that not everything on your When Life Works list will be fun (real self-care usually isn’t). I don’t always want to do these things, but I know that however much resistance I have, I will feel a thousand times better after doing it than if I don’t.
You can download a free worksheet with the questions above to help you identify your own non-negotiables in the Becoming Who You Are Library.
